You Are A Good Mother
by Old Russian Lady
Summary: "To answer your question, they don't know where Nichols is." Another bolt of lightning and thunder booming. He then bent down to Red's ear and whispered, "But I do."
1. Chapter 1

All of the inmates were outside.

Waiting. Watching.

The storm clouds were rolling in and they were supposed to be in their bunks.

But someone was missing.

They all were in their bunks, reported there immediately when the alarm went off and count time was demanded. But when some of the CO's started murmuring that someone was missing, that's when the chaos erupted.

Caputo demanded the CO's put on any gear they had to spend a long night searching for the missing inmate. The entire CO staff rushed out in swat team like uniforms and stormed out of the doors towards the woods.

It all happened so fast that no one thought to stay in the prison to watch all of the other inmates. So despite the severe weather rolling in, they went outside also.

There was so much confusion going on. Everyone was scattered everywhere. Red thought it best to round out the family, do a head count and make sure all of her girls were counted for.

"Girls!" Red yelled as loudly as she could above the crowd of women all around the grounds. She knew they would hear her; no doubt they were listening for her voice.

Red looked in front of her, to her left, to her right, and behind her. One by one she saw a member of the family step forward towards her and gather in a circle.

"Chapman, Lorna, Norma..." Red would nod and greet them as they walked up. "Anita, Gina, Frieda…"

Red looked around.

"Where is Vause and Nicky?"

"Here! Red!" Alex came running and pushing through crowds of people. "Red!" she yelled again.

"What? What is it?" Red questioned.

"It's Nicky!" Alex panted from her maneuvering.

"What?"

"She is the one that is missing. It's Nicky." Alex walked over to Piper who offered her shoulder for Alex to lean on until she caught her breath so she didn't fall to the ground.

Meanwhile Red was doing just that: she sank to her knees.

Everyone sat on the ground, following suit, as Red began to speak.

"Ok, so what do we do?" The family looked at each other, a little dumbfounded. Red was always the one to map out the plan and see to it that it got carried out efficiently. They knew this was going to be one of the tougher operations.

"Well if she is missing then we need to look for her." Lorna stated blunted.

"We can't just go looking for her. Any minute now they are going to make everyone go inside." pointed out Gina.

"Are you sure it is her, Alex?" Piper asked looking across her shoulder.

"I mean she's not here."

Piper glared at her.

"No, she would've came. She would've heard me calling and she would've came." Red said softly thinking about all of the terrible possibilities that her daughter could be in or will be in.

"Well why don't I just go ask Caputo what he knows." Piper suggested and she got up to walk away.

"Chapman!" Red called after her.

Piper turned around.

"Take Vause with you." Red needed the peace of mind that the no one else in the family would be alone.

"How you doing, Red?" Lorna asked, scooting closer to Red and putting a hand on her back.

"Why?" Red turned her head to look into Lorna's eyes. "Why is she missing? Did she try to run away? Is she on some type of new drug that makes her wander? I can't… I can't keep up with her." Red put her head in her hands and broke down.

"Shhh, Red she will be ok. She always turns out ok." Lorna comforted and Norma moved to the other side of Red and put her arm around her best friend's shoulder.

"Yeah, but she's never been missing has she?" Red shuddered at the possible scenarios that were haunting her mind.

"She'll be alright." Lorna hugged Red tight.

"All inmates report back to your bunks, now!" Caputo yelled out of nowhere.

Looking in that direction, Red was relieved to see Vause and Chapman walking back towards their circle.

Everyone was up and together, the most important thing right now to Red, and they walked back to their bunks in silence.

Once back to her cube, Red sat on her bed and thought about how she was feeling. Her mind was so wrapped around Nicky that she didn't even realize the level of hurt her heart felt until this moment.

"Count time, ladies!" CO Piscatella yelled and it felt as though the entire prison could hear him.

Just as loudly, lightning and thunder clashed outside. The storm had arrived. All Red could think about was her daughter out there in who knows what state of mind. What if she was bleeding and it wasn't stopping? What if she was violently sick? What if she was hungry or thirsty? What if she got cold because of the rain? Red needed to get to her daughter to make sure everything from her head to her toes was ok.

Red walked to the outside of her cube, she looked to her left and across the way where Nicky should be. The pit in Red's stomach got 2 feet deeper.

Piscatella was walking towards the end of the hall and as he passed Red she got the courage to ask "Is there any news about the whereabouts of Nichols?"

Piscatella stopped in front of Red.

"You two are close aren't you? What are you like her prison mom? Pathetic." He gave Red such a stare she thought he was going to spit in her face.

"To answer your question, they don't know where Nichols is."

Another bolt of lightning and thunder booming.

He then bent down to Red's ear and whispered, "But I do."


	2. Chapter 2

Red starred at Piscatella as her walked feeling all the hatred she could erupt from her core to her eyes.

"Red you ok? What did he say? You look like youre going to murder someone." Lorna commented sincerely.

"I might." Red responded.

"Oh shit. Alex looked at Piper.

"Well what did he say?" Lorna asked again.

Once Piscatella was out of ear shot, Red looked at her concerned family. "He knows where Nicky is."

"Where?" Piper asked walking into Red's cube and sitting on the chair. The others followed into the bunk.

"He didn't say…" Red trailed off looking out the window. The storm seemed to be showing no signs of stopping. Her girl was out there.

"For the first time concerning Nicky, I haven't a clue of what to do." Red sounded empty and helpless.

"They'll find her. Piscatella can't have…put…moved… her to a place that is very far." Lorna offered.

"She doesn't like thunder…" Red was off in some type of zone that the others couldn't seem to interact with.

"What if we went to look for her?" Alex suggested.

"Alex, are you crazy?" Piper accused.

"What? We've been known to do crazier shit." She pointed out.

"True." Piper agreed and they both smiled at each other.

"I know it's not what you want to hear Red, but I think our only option is to wait." Lorna explained.

"I'm going to try and sleep. Maybe when I wake up she will be here." Red said sounding like she had no faith in her words.

They all either gave Red a pat on the back, a hand on her shoulder, or a half hug.

Being grateful for the support but feeling no different, Red crawled into bed and pulled her knees up. Lying on her side in a ball. She was afraid for her girl. This was the first time there was trouble and she couldn't help. It pained her knowing she couldn't help, knowing this was out of her control.

4 hours went by. Everyone was asleep, except Red. She couldn't take it. She put on her shoes and tiptoed to the kitchen where she knew she could get out without being spotted, she had the key after all to the back door where the produce truck unloaded.

She got to the door, unlocked it and opened the door. The rain was shooting hard from the clouds, rain drops like bullets being fired at the ground, lightning flashed like a strobe light, brightening the world for just a split second before disappearing into nothingness once again.

She had to go. She had to go and get her girl, bring her home. She stepped out into the rain. Instantly she started shivering and felt all the more terrible at how Nicky must be feeling.

She made her way to a spot where there was a slight hole in the fence that the guards had been using earlier.

Once through the fence, she looked around. This was going to be tough. There was nothing but trees and rain as far as she could see.

Almost panicking, Red called out as loud as she could, "I will find you!"

Red had no idea which direction to go in. She stopped walking and paid attention to her heart. Maybe she would feel something, like a mother's instinct. Sure enough she had this idea to go left.

She was walking for what felt like hours but kept calling out, "Nicky! Nicky!" every couple of feet. Her voice was becoming hoarse between the yelling and the rain. She was soaked and freezing, she would never give up though, not on her girl.

As if God himself pointed a finger in her direction, Red heard the faintest "Mommy."

She spun around and walked towards the little voice. "Nicky!" She cried.

"Here! Here…" Nicky's voice was quiet but Red heard her loud and clear.

Red approached a pile of shaking clothes, she walked over to the other side of the pile and there was the face of Nicky, looking beat from the weather.

Red put her hand to Nicky's face to brush away her hair that the rain kept pulling down. Just before Red cold touch her, Nicky shivered away. Thinking she was just cold and it wasn't on purpose, Red tried again. Nicky moved away again.

"What is wrong?" Red asked, confused at Nicky's behavior.

"I..uh.." Nicky couldn't get any words out through her chattering teeth.

"How'd you end up out here? Why are you still out here?" Red was starting to realize the reality that Nicky put herself into. "Did you take something and just wonder off?"

Nicky was silent and just looked into Red's eyes.

"Is that it?" Red asked, coming to terms that her daughter would never change. "Are you ever going to stop, Nicky?"

Nicky began to speak but Red cut her off. "I want to help you but you won't even let me touch you. How am I supposed to help you if you don't want my help? I could be a bad mother and go back to the prison and tell them you are out here. But I am a good mother so I'll just go back to the prison."

As she looked at Nicky, neither one of them could tell if the other one was crying or if it was just the rain.

Her heart breaking as she stood, but seeing that Nicky wasn't going to accept her help, she walked back to the prison, leaving her daughter shivering in the cold rain.


	3. Chapter 3

Red opened her eyes from one of the worst sleeps she had ever had. She gathered her things to go and take a shower. As she passed by she peered into Nicky's bunk: no one was there. The fiery pain that struck her with worry was relit as she thought about her daughter still being out there.

Walking towards the showers, she passed Healy.

"Have you found her?" Red stopped him by putting a hand on his arm, concern so evident in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Red, but we haven't. After 2am I called for the guards to come back inside." Healy replied.

"So what happens now?" Red started to tear up, not remembering that she knew where Nicky is.

"We wait." He said simply.

"We wait?" Red repeated as if that wasn't good enough.

"Until she comes back on her own, which I mean, why would anyone choose to come back here so I don't know. I'm really sorry, Red. I know you two were close."

Red couldn't wrap her head around those past tense words coming out of Healy's words. She wasn't dead and she wasn't gone forever. As if by sudden revelation, Red remembered last night.

"That's exactly why she will come back. Because I'm in here, not out there." Red put simply as if she were a different person than her previous concerned state of mind.

Healy just nodded and continued walking.

Out of nowhere it seemed, Piscatella turned the corner, spotted Red and walked over to her.

"Did they find Nichols yet?" he almost snarled at her.

"No." Red said, making her face as intimidating as she could.

"Well, maybe they will find her in a week or two. She is pathetic, just so you know." His smile made Red's blood boil. He walked away.

Red had a plan, tonight she would bring her Nicky back, regardless if she wanted to be or not. Red would drag her if that's what it took. Thinking about last night, she shouldn't have left her in the woods like that. She felt very guilty for that.

When Red walked into the cafeteria from the kitchen to sit with her girls, she noticed Nicky's absence immediately. She walked over to sit with her family.

"Anyone heard anything about Nicky?" Lorna was saying when Red sat down in Nicky's usual spot. They didn't know about Red's rescue mission last night, or failed rescue mission. Guilt ping her heart at that thought.

Everyone said a various form of "I haven't heard anything."

"How are you holding up Red?" Piper asked while everyone's heads turned to her.

"I don't think I slept last night for more than a half hour." Red calmly replied.

She wasn't going to tell them about last night. They would question her and become enraged that she didn't bring Nicky back. And if she explained the state that Nicky was in, she would really hear it from them. But red was her mother and she knew how to discipline, treat, and handle her child. She knew just what Nicky needed to snap out of it. Watching Red walk away was heart breaking to Nicky, Red knew that. But perhaps that heart break would be enough to keep her on the right path. Red wanted to tell Nicky that it hurt her just as much, but she couldn't, she had to be stronger than that to prove her point and help her daughter.

"She'll come back to you Red." Vause said to Red, which Red really appreciated because Vause has been known to mock her and Nicky's relationship.

"Thank you, Vause."

Surprisingly, the day flew by. Red tried her hardest to keep busy so this would happen and to her luck that is what came to pass. Two hours after lights were out, Red set off to bring her daughter back.

Only as she was headed to the kitchen's back door did Red truly allow herself to think completely about Nicky. She made sure she brought another jacket so Nicky could get out of the cold and wet one she was wearing. She also filled a bag with food and a bottle of water. Her poor girl was starving and so thirsty. It would be better from now on. Red was going to keep such a close eye on her that Nicky would express her annoyance. But secretly they would both know that Nicky was extremely grateful that Red kept a strict eye on her.

Making her way out the back door, she set off to find Nicky again. Assuming she was in the same sot, Red headed that way.

"Nicky! Nicky!" She called out every few steps to see if she had moved. After hearing absolutely nothing as Red was getting closer to the spot where she was last night, Red became worried.

"Nicky!"

What if she passed out or what if…?

No. Not her girl, she is still alive. Red could feel it.

Red approached the small pile that she knew was Nicky and was at least somewhat relieved that she had her eyes on her.

Red walked around to the front of her. Her eyes were closed.

Red knelt down, a little shaky for fear of what might be, and put her hand in front of Nicky's nose and mouth. She started to tear up with relief as she felt little warm breaths on the back of her hand.

"Hey, Nicky." Red fought the urge to put her hand on Nicky's forehead.

"Mommy?" Nicky said with eyes still closed and so faintly that Red didn't know if she was imagining it or not.

"Yes, yes, my sweet girl. I'm here." Red started to rummage through the bag.

"I brought you food and some water to drink. I also brought a jacket so you can out of that wet one."

"You're so good." Nicky said, just as quietly as before. She opened her eyes and looked into Red's. "I don't deserve a mother like you."

"Yes you do, stop that. Here eat this." Red said as she handed a banana that she had peeled to her hungry child.

"Sit up first. Come here." And Red reached her hands out to grab Nicky's shoulders and help her up.

Nicky flinched and shied away from Red's touch. The same reaction she had last night when Red tried to comfort her. Red was puzzled. Nicky, on the outside, seemed perfectly normal except for the obvious tiredness in her eyes.

"What is it?" Red could feel herself getting frustrated. She knew the drug talk was coming again. She hated this conversation with anyone. Red hated drugs, it was a well-known fact. But to have this talk with her daughter, well, it really split her heart sharply into two each and every time.

"No drugs." Is what came out of Nicky's mouth.

"Yes, no more drugs. I thought you were finished?" Red allowed some of her frustration to be hard in her voice and seen on her face.

"No. No drugs. I haven't used since I told you I was clean. And you told me you were cautiously optimistic. Didn't you believe that?" Nicky sounded like a small child pleading with her mother for understanding.

"I came out her to find you last night and saw you not in a good way, what was I to think?" Red responded.

"Ask me what happened. You didn't even let me talk. You cut me off and then got up and walked away. You left me here." Nicky began to cry, hard. Harder than Red had ever seen her, and Red had seen Nicky through the worst times in her life.

"And then you come back and act like everything is ok? You bring me food and something to change into and that's it? Everything is all better now?" Nicky's sobs made it hard to understand her.

The guilt that Red had been carrying around with her, hanging over her shoulder like a ghost not leaving her alone, suddenly all rushed to her head and her heart.

"I am so sorry. Nicky, I just…I just… had enough of you and the drugs. And I… I am so sorry. I'm sorry…sorry…I'm sorry..." Red couldn't make sentences anymore.

Nicky held out her hand, "Come here, Ma."

Red hesitated. She didn't want her daughter to move away from her when she was trying to comfort her.

"I'm ok. It's you. You're my mother."

Red smiled and moved closer to Nicky.

"Wait."

Red stopped.

"Tell me it's you."

Red was a little confused but did exactly as her daughter asked.

"It's me. I'm here, your mother. The one that loves you and wants nothing but the bet for you. I'm here." As Red was saying that Nicky finally allowed Red to hug her.

"My sweet girl, what happened?" Red asked quietly when she had Nick safely in her arms.

Nicky's crying picked up again, hard again. She shook violently in Red's arms.

Red didn't know if Nicky wanted to let her go but Red decided to go with her maternal instincts and not let her go. Instead she held her tighter, trying to suppress her shaking daughter in her arms.

Red leaned in and kissed Nicky on the forehead, when for the first time, she noticed dark marks around Nicky's neck. It had been hidden from the jacket collar before but was visible at this angle.

"Nicky…" Red started, terrified.


	4. Chapter 4

Nicky knew that the time had come to explain what happened.

She was terrified. She didn't want Red to know but at the same time she was begging herself to tell her. She was afraid of Red's reaction but at the same time knew that Red was her protector and that she shouldn't be afraid. It was some type of internal conflict to a degree that Nicky had never experienced before and it frightened her to her very core. All of it did.

Nicky knew she couldn't keep her mother in the dark for much longer. She loved her and knew it was best to tell her sooner rather than later, for both of their sakes.

Nicky's cries became heart wrenching for Red. Nicky sounded as though her insides were being mutilated with a dagger. And Red felt, with that very same dagger, her heart being pierced over and over again. The pain was all too real for both of them.

"My poor girl, what happened?" Red was so afraid of the answer, she had a gut feeling, uncontrollable sobs escaping her throat.

"Umm…uh…" Nicky couldn't speak. She was obviously in shock and Red knew she had to be patient with her.

Silence for a moment.

"Piscatella." Nicky's trembling became severely violent at the mention of that name. She shook so hard in Red's lap.

In a fraction of a heartbeat, Red went from the comforting mother she always has been with her girl to the dangerous mother bear she always would be on behalf of her girl.

The pit in her stomach grew.

"Nicky…" Red was growing more and more murderous at what was being revealed to her.

"He…ugh...he…rape…raped me..." Nicky barely got out.

It all made sense.

The flinching, the shock, the blank stares, even not being able to respond to Red the night before.

Red cried, sobbed. Harder than she had ever cried before.

Guilt from last night, she left her in the woods. Guilt was flooding her.

Guilt.

She didn't know what to say to her girl. 'Are you alright?' was a question to an obvious answer. 'It'll be ok.' Is something that didn't' quite cover the situation.

"And I know…I should've…" Nicky began again but Red cut her.

Red put a finger of Nicky's lips, shushing her gently. "Shhh. It's not your fault. In no way is this your fault."

Red's demeanor changed like turning off a faucet from comforting to as serious as Nicky had ever seen her.

"Don't you dare think that. You hear me? This is not your fault." Red was almost scolding her. "Do you understand?"

Nicky looked into Red's eyes for what felt like an eternity. She saw so much love and protection in her beautiful, caring blue eyes which stemmed from her heart, Nicky knew. The eyes of her mother, the eyes of pure and genuine love. All Nicky could do was slowly nod her head as she took in and processed Red's words.

"Nicky…I... I am so sorry..." was all Red could muster seeing the hurt through her daughter's eyes down to her heart

Red had no words, she held her daughter so close. She was so scared with her, so terrified with her, so in distress with her.

Nicky knew she had done right by telling Red. She instantly felt as though no more bad things could ever happen.

"You make it better. You…make me…feel better…so much." Nicky was able to get out.

Guilt.

"I'm here for you, my sweet girl. I'm sorry I left you yesterday. And my darling girl, I mean it when I say it's the biggest regret in my life. I'm a terrible mother." They stayed in each other's arms, crying uncontrollably. Red kept kissing the top of Nicky's head over and over again, as if with each kiss, Nicky would be a little better.

"Let me look at you." Red moved the jacket collar so she could get a better look at Nicky's neck. Dark marks, no doubt they were from him choking her. Red glided a finger ever so gently over the dark purple rings as a way to sooth her distraught girl.

Nicky flinched but then realized it was her mother. Her loving mother, then she relaxed.

"Shh…It'll be better from now on, I'm here…shh…no one is going to hurt you, I'm here now. Don't you worry, you're as safe as ever you could be…" Red rocked her daughter in her arms. Pouring out as much love and comfort as she could.

"You're gonna get him, right Mommy?" Nicky said looking up at her mother again after several silent moments.

"Get him? Nicky," Red kissed the top of her daughter's head, "I'm going to fucking kill him."


	5. Chapter 5

"We need to get back inside. The sun is starting to rise; we need to be in our beds before that happens. Are you ready?" Red sounded like her normal self after a few hours of on and off sleep with Nicky in her lap.

"I'm ready." Nicky stood up for the first time since this happened.

"You don't need to tell anybody what happened if you don't want to, ok?" Red reassured Nicky as she put her arm around her shoulder and they started walking back to what they considered their home.

"Ok." Nicky said quietly.

"We can leave this in the past and never talk about it again, we can tell somebody, we can just talk about it between us, whatever you want to do is what I want to do, Nicky." Red explained.

"Ok." Another quiet answer.

"Hey." Red stopped walking and went to stand in front of Nicky.

"Yeah?" Nicky said softly, looking at the ground.

"Look at me." Red put two fingers underneath Nicky' chin and lifted up her face to force Nicky to look her in the eyes.

"I love you." Red said so sincerely that Nicky's eyes watered.

"I can tell." Nicky said in such a grateful tone that Red's eyes watered as well. "I love you too."

Red hugged her.

"You know, most of the time when you hug me, I wish you would never let go." Nicky whispered in her mother's ear.

"I'm sorry for leaving you the other night." Red apologized.

"You thought it was drugs. I would've left me too."

"Yes, but it wasn't, was it? I should have been watching. I should have known you were in trouble. And…" Red couldn't finish, the tears started to fall.

"Please, just don't cry, Red." Nicky put a hand on her cheek, rubbing her thumb under her mother's eye, erasing the tears, trying to rid her of guilt.

"Sometimes I just think why can't we be a normal family." Nicky said as Red's crying subsided.

"Because we didn't fall in love with each other in a normal environment. You were bent over a toilet puking your guts out and my maternal feelings came alive all while we were in prison." This made Nicky chuckle a bit, for which Red was grateful.

They continued walking. Reaching the back door of the kitchen, Red reached into her bag and pulled out the key and unlocked the door. They were walking down the halls, knowing that they were going to make it to their beds in time when as they turned the corner, Piscatella had entered the other end of the hall way, looking down at his watch.

Grabbing Nicky's arm, Red bolted back around the corner out of his sight. Leading the way and practically dragging Nicky because she was going so fast, Red took them back to the kitchen to her office there where she knew Piscatella wouldn't go. Once there, she was able to look at Nicky for the first time.

She was breathing very heavily. Red was afraid she was going to go into shock.

Red sat down quickly and pulled Nicky in front of her so that Nicky was in Red's lap, her chest against Nicky's back. Red took a deep breath in and a deep breath out.

"Do you feel that? Feel me breathing. Breathe with me." She whispered in Nicky's ear. Another deep breath in and out. In and out.

"Feel my chest rising, rise with it, Nicky. Feel it fall, fall with it, my girl." To Red's relief, this breathing was working, Nicky seemed to be calming down. "Breathe with me."

After several more breathes, Nicky turned around, still on Red's lap and looked desperately into her eyes, "Do you think he saw us?"

"No." Red said confidently which was a lie. She wasn't entirely sure whether Piscatella had seen them or not but she wasn't about to let Nicky know that.

"So what do we do now?"

"We wait until it's time to start cooking breakfast. They'll never know. I'll say I wanted an early start and you came in to help me." Red put simply.

"Came in from where?" Nicky sounded a little puzzled.

"Everyone knows you were missing outside. I'll just tell them you came back. You got lost but you found your way back." Red explained.

"Yeah, found my way back to you." Nicky smiled a genuine smile for the first time in the past 36 hours or so.

"It's funny you say that because that is the way people have been wording it: 'She'll come back to you, Red.'" Red said putting air quotes up. "But anyways, Healy knows that you aren't to be punished so it won't matter that you just popped up."

"Why wouldn't I be punished?" questioned Nicky.

"Because I am your mother and I took care of it." Red replied as she took Nicky's hands and put them in her own, squeezing them ever so slightly to stop them from shaking.

"Remember in the woods, when you said you are a terrible mother?" Nicky brought up.

"Yes." Red sighed.

'You're really not. You're a good mother." Nicky looked so deeply into Red's eyes she could see her heart and it swelled with such love and happiness for her.

"Oh, is she?" neither of them had to look in the door way to see that Piscatella was standing there.


	6. Chapter 6

Red's eyes searched Nicky's looking for any sign of something that she couldn't handle on her own, seeing nothing too concerning, Red shoved her into the corner of the office and stepped out slamming the office door shut behind her.

She looked at Piscatella. He was much taller than her, it'd be suicidal for her to try to take him on physically, although she fought that urge anyway.

"You raped my daughter." She pronounced each word slowly, as if they were individual sentences. She looked murderous.

"So, she told you about the fun we had." Piscatella smirked.

"You know; I wouldn't consider that fun if I were you. But what I'll do to you, that is what is going to be fun." Red remarked so coldly, she noticed Piscatella lean back ever so slightly.

"Is that a threat inmate?" He stepped closer to her, she did step back noticeably. "it sounded like a threat to me."

He raised his arm and grabbed her throat, lifted her up in the air so her feet were suspended off the floor.

"This is what I did to your so-called daughter." He said without emotion.

Nicky heard choking and despite her fear, she cracked the door open so that she could squint her eye and see what was happening. She took one look and saw that her mother was not standing on the ground, but being held up in the air by Piscatella's grasp.

It took everything she had to continue to watch, preparing to force herself to intervene if she absolutely had to. If she wasn't so terrified of this man she would've knocked him down the second he took a step closer to her mother. But she couldn't will herself to do it, not after that night. She shuddered.

She caught a glimpse of her mother's face; it was turning blue. She didn't know what to do.

Red looked at Piscatella, her eyes betraying her feelings, pleading with him to let her go. She was light headed and she felt her head pulsing, it seemed the rest of her body was paralyzed from fear. If she died, she just hoped he would get punished and wasn't able to mess with her Nicky anymore. That was it, her dying wish: that her Nicky stay safe.

Nicky felt a water droplet on her hand and looked down at it. She then wiped her cheeks and didn't even realize she had been crying this entire time.

"What do you have to say, Reznikov? You want your daughter don't you? You want to tell her how much she means to you? How much you love her? Should that be the last words I grant you? Well, I didn't give her the chance for last words, so I guess I'll do the same for you." He squeezed so much harder that Red felt her eyes bulge a bit from her skull.

Nicky's heart shattered, as if it could any more than it already was.

Out of nowhere, the siren rang out throughout the prison and scared Piscatella so badly that he dropped Red right onto the floor. She landed with a hard smack and Nicky hoped she didn't break anything.

"We are nowhere near done." He whispered in Red's ear, he himself not knowing whether or not she was conscience. He walked out.

Knowing he couldn't hear her, Nicky whispered, "You're absolutely right about that."

She busted open the office door and ran over to Red.

"Oh my God. Red! Red! Say something! Anything!" Nicky propped up her mother's head into her lap.

Red tried to speak but could do nothing but wheeze.

"No, shh. Don't say anything."

Again Red tried to speak.

"Ma, don't try to talk. I know what this feels like. You'll get your normal breathes back in a few minutes." Nicky tried to calm her down.

A couple of wheezing, struggling breathes later, Red was able to utter some words.

"You did good, Nicky."

Nicky shook her head no.

"Really, you did. You stayed exactly where I would've wanted-" Red coughed, trying to catch her breath. "where I would've wanted you to."

"Stop talking." Nicky demanded but Red knew her intentions were sincere so she paid no mind to the command.

Nicky looked at Red's neck.

"I know what it feels like." Nicky repeated, unconsciously put her hand round her own neck, remembering the pain, reliving the pain.

"Ma, I don't want anything like that to happen to you again. There is no need for it not to mention the fact that it kills me."

Red reached a shaky hand up to Nicky's and pulled it away from her neck and put it on her heart.

"You feel your heart beating?" Red asked softly.

"Yes." Nicky replied.

Red nodded. "That's what matters now."

Red moved her hand with Nicky's still inside of hers to her own heart. "You feel my heart beat?"

"Yes."

"When you can't feel mine anymore is when I will stop being your mother. But until then my sweet girl, I'll be risking my life left and right if it means you'll stay safe. It isn't a choice."

Nicky didn't know what to say she just hoped her eyes showed Red how she felt as each word came out of Red's mouth.

"But if anything positive can come out of this, we have ourselves a different story." Red stated as she slowly stood up with the help of Nicky.

"What do you mean?" Nicky was a little confused.

"Well instead of people wondering where you have been and what happened to you, we can shift their attention to the marks that will clearly be around my neck for a couple of days. A distraction really, so no one finds out about what happened to you. Unless you did want to tell people of course." Red explained.

"No, no, I don't want anyone to know what happened out there in those woods." Nicky spoke slowly.

"Then they won't." Red put her hands on her knees, sitting down and sighing.

"But what are you going to say happened to you? You can't tell them he tried to strangle you."

"Sure I can. That'll spread like wildfire around here. He will be out before the week is over, it'll all work out, honey." Red reassured her.

"Ok. Well, how are you feeling?"

"I'll manage. More importantly, how are you feeling?" Red walked over to Nicky and put he hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes and seeing something so blank and empty, Red feared for her daughter's fragile mind.

"Well, I just witnessed you being strangled, very close to death by the man who strangled me and also raped me in some woods behind the prison. So I would say considering the circumstances I'm-" her sentenced remained unspoken but her actions completed it. Nicky burst into tears. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Ma, it keeps happening. Over and over again. I try not to but I remember details I hadn't remembered before each time. Over and over and… It's got to go away… Make it go away…" Nicky cried and Red took her into her arms and rubbed circles on her back.

"The only that will make this get better is time, Nicky. Now I can be here for you, support you, love you, care for you, and comfort you until you get tired of me, but you're only going to heal through time. It's just the way things like this goes." Red's heart hurt in way that it wasn't meant to when she thought about how her daughter must be feeling.

"How are you supposed to kill him if there isn't a way for you to even defend yourself in a scary situation?" Nicky sobbed.

Red pulled away from their embrace and leaned back so she could look Nicky in the eyes; her beautiful brown eyes.

"You're the one that is hurt, yes?"

Nicky nodded.

"Who am I?"

"Red."

"Who am I to you?"

"Mommy."

Red kissed Nicky's forehead.

"Now isn't that a deadly combination for him."


	7. Chapter 7

It was time for breakfast and Nicky was looking forward to some food. She hadn't eaten in almost two days but it felt like a week.

She walked into the cafeteria, somehow being able to avoid conversation with the people that mattered to her up until now. She looked over into the kitchen and made eye contact with Red who then started walking over to the family table. She needed her support, this wasn't going to happen without Red by her side.

"Nicky!" Morello screamed as she walked into the cafeteria and saw Nicky sitting down with Red across from her.

Nicky stood up and they hugged tightly for several moments.

"Where were you? We were all so worried! Oh, it doesn't matter, you're back!" Nicky was relieved that she didn't question further about where she was. Her and Red did have a plan in place but it didn't include how Nicky would answer that question, perhaps it was something they should have went over.

The rest of the family started coming in one by one and immediately upon seeing Nicky, they hugged her and expressed how happy they were that she was back.

After they were settled down and eating, Red cleared her throat as if she was about to say something very important. She looked at Nicky who was looking just beyond Red to something that had made Nicky's face go as pale as a ghost.

Red was about to ask what was wrong when she heard a voice that froze her heart for two beats.

"Inmate Reznikov."

Red kept locked eyes on Nicky's for as long as she could while turning her head to the direction of her future death sentence.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Healy would like to see you in his office now." He grabbed her forcefully by the arm and moved her along out of the cafeteria.

Red looked back at Nicky and mouthed "It's ok" as she disappeared around the corner.

"Nicky relax." Morello spoke softly as she was looking at Nicky's hands which were balled into fists so tight her knuckles turned white. "You alright?"

"Yeah. Everything is alright." Nicky replied, looking Morello in the eyes to convey her sincerity. Nicky just hoped it wasn't a lie.

Piscatella pushed Red into Healy's office and pulled the door closed, leaving Red and Healy alone. Turning her attention away from the door and looking at Healy for the first time, she looked at him as though she had been stranded on a dessert island for months and he was the boat that would take her home.

"Sit down, Red." Healy said unusually gentle. Sure, he was always soft spoken with her but Red noticed that it was softer somehow. She did as she was told.

"CO Piscatella told me what happened." He said softly.

" Everything?" Red was terrified for herself, and for Nicky.

"Yes."

"Oh my God." Red ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back and creating even more spikey pieces.

"May I see your neck?" Healy asked, afraid of pushing her too far.

Reluctantly, Red showed him.

A small gasp escaped his lips. "I would've never thought this would happen Red, especially with you."

They were silent for a few moments.

"So what happens now?" She was eager for some type of action to be taken place.

"Well, from what I can tell you have a good handle on your mind set so I don't think sending you to psych would be appropriate. But I think a careful eye and some counseling sessions should be ok." Healy explained, grabbing a pen and paper and signing the bottom of it.

"What?" Red was very confused wen Healy had mentioned the psych ward.

"Red, when you try to commit suicide some type of corrective behavioral actions need to be taken place." explained Healy.

"Suicide?" The word in relation to her was so far removed that it almost sounded comical on her ears.

"Piscatella found you in the kitchen with a noose around your neck standing on a table. Just as he was walking into the kitchen, you stepped off of the table and were hanging but he got to you quick enough so you only have those nasty marks all around your neck."

Red's eyes began to tear up and there wasn't a way she could stop them. This could not be happening.

"I know," Healy started, offering Red a box of tissues. "It can be a hard thing to come to terms with. But Red this is not the way you should be trying to handle things. I mean think about what it would do to your girls, to Nichols?"

At the mention of Nicky her cries became harder.

"Did anyone find out what happened to her? All of a sudden she is back this morning." Red wanted to know.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, CO Piscatella told me just before he came to get you that he had a conversation with Nichols this morning. She said she didn't know what she was thinking, one minute she wanted fresh air and the next she wakes up in the woods from the best sleep she ever had. Said she must've found a patch of grass softer than the mattresses." Healy chuckled at the last sentence.

"That's not what happened." Red tried to explain.

"Red, you can't deny reality. The evidence is clear; I mean look at your neck. And on top of that, you've seen Nichols this morning, she is her normal self." Healy gestured a hand to help explain his point.

"That's not what happened." Red repeated, a little more forcefully than before.

"Ok," he sighed, "Maybe we do need to check you into psych for your own good."

"No!" Red said almost standing up.

Red had no idea what to say. She was in disbelief and her fear was only made far greater by the realization that there wasn't a way for her to convince Healy that Piscatella wasn't telling the truth.

"So, counseling sessions?" Red decided to play it as safe as she could in this situation.

"Yes, 3 times a week."

"In here? Or can we do them outside? I enjoy the sunshine." Red pulled the best line she could from her ass to try and avoid being sent to psych.

"Oh it won't be with me. CO Piscatella said that since he saved you, he feels connected with you in this situation and insisted he be the one to give the sessions." Healy said, returning to sign another section of a document.

Red didn't know if her face was as pale as Nicky's was just moments ago but it sure felt like it. What was happening? Was she having a nightmare? Was any of this real life? Red couldn't feel, see or hear anything other than her rapid heart beating in her ears.

"Healy I…I…umm…" Red stammered.

"Red?"

"Can you please be the one to give the sessions. Please, we are already so open with each other that it'll be easier. I don't even know him. I won't be able to open up and get to the root of the problem with him." Red purposely avoided saying his name, simultaneously knowing she couldn't physically say I anyways.

"That does make sense. Ok, we will go with that then." Healy complied and Red was so relived she could cry again, something she saw a lot of happening in her near future.

"Will Nicky be punished? Red's mind now couldn't leave her girl.

"No, and you know this, we spoke about it a couple of days before she showed up."

"Right, I know I just wanted to be sure." Red needed some type of comfort.

"You might want to go talk to her now though. I'm sure she is concerned with your well-being." Healy gave a small smile.

And just like that, Red was rewarded with her comfort she so desperately needed.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey." Nicky was waiting for Red in her kitchen's office.

"Hey." Red responded.

"So what happened?"

"He told Healy that he found me just in the nick of time before my suicide attempt." Red said sarcastically enthused.

"Jesus Christ." Nicky sighed and leaned back on the counter top. "Well what about me?"

"I've already told you that you are safe." Red looked over at her concerned child.

"Yeah but the situation has changed."

"Yes, but that fact isn't going to change. You're still safe and always will be as long as I'm around." Red said sincerely.

"Ok."

"Do you believe that?" Red wanted to know.

"I believe that those are your intentions until you die. But I don't know if that can be as much in your control as you'd want it to be considering where we are in his situation. It just took a turn for the worse. How are we going to climb back up from this one?" Nicky was afraid.

"However I go about this, the worst thing that could happen is I end up in prison." Red joked and it made Nicky smile.

Oh, for Red to see Nicky smile as of recently made her as happy as a kiss from God would. She teared up a little.

"You ok?" Nicky asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just grateful you have something to smile about."

"Red, you are a good mother. You know that, don't you?"

Red took a deep breath and held it for a moment. "I love you."

"And I love you back, Ma. Let's come up with a plan." Nicky said as though she were getting back to work.

"Do you have anything in mind?" Red inquired.

"I mean the easiest thing would be to do something regarding food, right?"

"I suppose so."

"Let's bake a cake. Lace it with something. One bite. And then," Nicky made a cutting motion with her finger at her throat.

Red raised her eyebrows and glared at Nicky for a moment.

"You're serious?" Red was amused.

"Umm, yeah. It's like a spy mission."

"So how do you propose we get him to eat it, Bond?"

"We make one personalized one and you can tell Healy to give it to him as a thank you for saving your life. But we have to make sure Healy makes it sound like it's coming from him, not us obviously."

"You make it sound so simple." Red loved seeing her daughter like this. When she had an idea, no matter how crazy, she believed in it wholeheartedly, sometimes too much so for her own good. But nonetheless, it amused Red to no end.

"It's not a complicated plan." Nicky said this as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ok." Red sighed.

"Ok? We can do it?" Nicky felt relieved that they had a plan in place to take down the monster.

"Yes, let's get this motherfucker."

"If we were in a movie, this is when punk rock music would start playing as we got everything out and made the cake."

Red laughed, like one of those good belly laughs. She was so elated that her daughter could be this light hearted about things given what just happened some 48 hours ago.

"Nicky, I love you." Red said through tears of laughter.

"Yeah, you tell me all the time. I know." Nicky smiled.

"Do you though?" Red got serious out of nowhere. "Because I don't think I tell you enough."

Nicky took in her mother with eyes that glistened with so much love and affection.

"Someday, when we are out of here, I'll prove that to you." Red said gently.

"Mom, there isn't anything to prove. Look at you, well look at me. Look at us. We've been through so much shit. We have no ties to each other. You stayed by my side when my own mother gave up on me. You haven't even come close to doing that, except for the first night in the woods, but that's understandable."

It was a dagger in her heart again.

A fresh wound.

Guilt.

Regret.

"I'll never forgive myself for that." Red began to tear up as she looked at her girl.

"Well," Nicky said as she walked over to Red, taking her mother's hands in her own. "I forgive you."

Red leaned and kissed the top of Nicky's forehead, staying there for a long time.

"Chocolate?" Nicky said from underneath Red's chin.

"Ahh, for the cake. Yes, chocolate would be good."

And they baked.

"Here this is the stuff." Red said after an hour or so of preparing the death trap.

She walked over and started spreading some type of powder on it, then she layered the icing.

"That'll kill him?" Nicky asked.

"Oh yes." Red said menacingly.

"You sound really dark, Red. You ok?"

"No. and neither will he be." Red turned to face Nicky. "Are you ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Nicky sighed.

"Oh, umm. Nicky I want you to talk to me later about what happened in the woods, ok?" Red said.

"I don't want to." Nicky simply replied.

"No, you don't. But my sweet girl, you need to. You can't keep it bottled up, the longer you do that, the worse your mind will be tormented and distorted." Red turned into the ultimate comforter.

Nicky nodded her head in agreement, realizing the truth of her mother's words.

"But for now, we kill that monster." She would never use the name 'Piscatella' around her Nicky again.


	9. Chapter 9

Down the hall way Nicky and Red walked towards Healy's door. Red knocked twice and they heard a 'come in.' Red walked in first and Nicky followed closely behind as if she were afraid of what she would find inside the office.

"Good evening, Red, Nichol. How are you both doing?" Healy asked as cheerful as his job required him to be.

"We are getting better. Well, I am. Nicky is pretty traumatized considering what happened to me." Red gave Nicky look out of the corner of her eye and, not to her surprise, Nicky hadn't taken her eyes off of Red since they entered the room. She looked terrified.

"Yes I can see that." Healy said kind of hesitant looking at Nicky. "Are you okay, Nichols?" Healy questioned, genuinely concerned. Nicky still did not take her eyes off of Red. "Maybe some counseling sessions would be good for you, huh? Talk through what happened?" Nicky's eyes grew twice in size at his last sentence. Red knew she had to change the subject quickly.

"I'm taking care of her, there's no need for anything else. But anyway, Healy why we are here, is because I have made a cake for…" She hesitated, seeing Nicky was not in a good way already. "the man who saved my life." But he did the exact opposite of that didn't he. He almost killed me, twice, she thought looking at Nicky.

"Oh that's wonderful, Red. That's a great step in the recovery direction. Well I'll make sure he gets it." Healy said politely.

"Oh and one more thing, Healy. Could you make sure he gets all of it? It's so small I don't want him to think I ate any of it, it'd come off as too greedy. And please, whatever you do, don't let him know it came from me. I want it to be kept a secret." Red didn't know what she was saying. All she could think about was how Nicky looked more and more like she was about to burst into tears, she knew she they had to get out of there quickly.

"Of course. Well you two have a good rest of your evening." He nodded as a good bye and they both silently exited, Red leading Nicky out by the hand.

Red walked them all the way back to Nicky's cube where she went to sit on Nicky's bed and sat down. Nicky stayed in the doorway. Red patted the bed next to her signaling Nicky to come and sit by her. Nicky shook her head 'no.'

"Ok." Red said gently.

Red got up and took Nicky by the hand again and lead them to her own cube. Again Nicky stopped in the door way and Red sat on the bed. No one else was in the cube so Red didn't know why Nicky stopped this time. Red patted the bed's empty space that was next to her and Nicky came over and sat down. She starred at her hands which were balled in fists, not tight as if she were mad, but loose as though she had no control.

She just stared at them, she was so still.

"What is it?" Red finally asked after several silent moments.

Silence.

"Talk to me." Red whispered.

Silence.

Just as Red was about to speak again, Nicky uttered a word.

"Uniform."

"Oh." Red realized after a moment of thinking about it that Healy and Piscatella wore the same uniform.

Silence.

"I'm sorry." Red comforted.

"You put it on you." Nicky said a little random sounding.

"What do you mean?" Red asked and noticed that Nicky was speaking as though she had a hard time with English.

"You told Healy you baked the cake. You told him to tell him that it came from you. You didn't mention me even though it was my idea and I did half the work." Nicky sounded like a little girl. A scared and lost little girl.

"Yes, I did." Red whispered.

"Why? Because now when they find him dead it'll be your fault. All your fault." Nicky concluded sadly.

"Because I love you." Red put simply.

"You know what could happen to you. You could get sent to max, an extension on your sentence, put to death…" Nicky teared up on the last thought.

"Because I love you." Red repeated.

"No. No one can love me that much." Nicky mumbled.

"I do." Red whispered reaching a hand up to Nicky's hair and holding her face. Nicky flinched.

Red grabbed her by the shoulders. Nicky was squirming to get out of Red's grasp. The more Nicky tried to escape the harder Red's grip would become. Red pinned Nicky down on the bed and Nicky was fighting.

"Let me go." Nicky demanded.

"No." Red struggled to keep her down.

Red made sure Nicky was on the bed laying on her side. The way Red was half way on top of her there was no way Nicky could get up.

"Leave me alone. Stop it." Nicky pleaded.

And as Red's heart was breaking she kept saying, "No."

Red had her chest on Nicky's right shoulder and she had her arm around Nicky's chest. Red cuddled her all the while Nicky wanted to be free.

"Please let me go." Nicky sounded very terrified.

"I love you." Red whispered in her ear.

"Leave me alone." Nicky struggled.

"I love you." She whispered again.

"Please…" Nicky started to cry.

"I love you."

Nicky's rapid movements all of a sudden ceased.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." Red kept softly repeating and at this point it seemed that with each phrase, Nicky relaxed more and more. "I love you."

Nicky turned her head to her right just slightly, excepting to see the face of Piscatella. But instead she saw Red looking at her as if Nicky was her newborn baby being placed in her arms for the very first time.

"It's just me. It's me." Red teared.

"Mommy." Nicky whispered barley above an audible level.

"Yes, it's me." At the sound of Red's words, Nicky turned over to her other side so her and Red were facing each other. Nicky moved closer to Red and she wrapped her arms around her tight. Very tight. Red returned the embrace and let a few tears escape from underneath her closed eye lids.

"I wish I could take it all away, Nicky." Red said against Nicky's shoulder.

"You are." Nicky said softly.

"I love you." Red said again.

"I love you." Nicky returned.

They stayed like that for a long while, just hugging and cuddling, Red giving her more comfort than Nicky would ever be able to express to her.

Nicky was facing the wall so she couldn't see but Red was facing the outside and could see a shadow through her closed eyes. She opened them and did everything she could not to utter a sound. Piscatella was looming over them, like a grim reaper would. Just standing there, tall and dark, observing them, not saying a word, with a death stare in his eyes. Red looked him in the eyes for a solid minute and then he walked away.

Red squeezed Nicky tighter.

"I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

A couple of hours into the night, Nicky was still in Red's safe arms. They both were sleeping soundly when all of a sudden, Nicky began to shake.

 _"_ _Hey, Nichols. I got something I want to show you." Piscatella yelled from across the hall._

 _"_ _It's dinner time, if I'm late I'll get a shot." Nicky reasoned, knowing this guy was nothing but trouble._

 _"_ _Either way you'll get a shot. Come with me."_

 _Nicky, not really seeing any other options, obliged to his unnecessary request._

 _"_ _Where are we going?" she asked after a couple feet from where they started._

 _"_ _Outside."_

 _Nicky had a gut feeling. One of the bad ones. What could possibly be outside that they needed? The garden was already taken care of for the day. Come to think of it, they weren't even allowed outside at this time of night._

 _"_ _Go down there, where that hole is in the fence. I'll be there in a minute. I'll get the tools; we are going to reattach the fence in that spot so no one else can escape. Got it?"_

 _"_ _Aye aye, captain." Nicky saluted to him, trying to lighten the tense mood for her own piece of mind._

 _Nicky walked down and examined the hole that, indeed was there, in the fence. She still didn't know why they were doing this at night. She thought it kind of made sense that this be a task that she would do, considering she knew both electricals' tools and the garden's tools; but still didn't get why this time of night was a good time to do it._

 _Without warning, a very hard grasp clapped onto Nicky's upper arm and she felt herself being pushed through the hole._

 _She turned around and saw Piscatella, and her gut feeling grew far, far worse._

 _"_ _What are you- "_

 _"_ _Shut up."_

 _They walked another 150 feet or so._

 _Nicky began to shake. She was scared and didn't know what was going to happen, although she had an idea in the back of her mind that she hoped against hope was not going to come to pass._

 _"_ _Where are we- "_

 _He stopped their walk and turned around to face her. "What did I say?" And he put both hands around Nicky's neck, ringing it like a dirty rag._

 _Nicky started to choke. She reached her hands up to her neck and tried to pry Piscatella's but it was just impossible. He dropped her and she fell hard to the floor, landing on a large rock; both choking and screaming in pain. He quickly dove to the floor and grabbed onto her neck again, pinning her down with one of his knees. He let go with one hand, and grabbed Nicky's fingers and twisted them in such a way that he could move her however he wanted. Piscatella brought Nicky's hands up to the one he had on his neck and managed to have a finger from each of her hands and her neck all in one giant death trap that was his massive hand._

 _Nicky couldn't talk, she couldn't scream for help, she couldn't do anything. Her panic had reached an all-time high and her heart was beating dangerously fast as the amount of fear and terror she was feeling grew and grew._

 _She was preparing herself for this to be the end of her short lived life. She desperately searched her mind for the happiest memory she had of Red, her mother whom she loved more than anyone in the world. She remembered what the last words they had spoken to each other were,_

 _"_ _If you need me, Nicky, I'll know it. I always have in the past and I am positive I always will in the future. You have this way about you, a mother knows."_

 _"_ _I believe that, Red. And I love you for it."_

 _Nicky began to cry harder and realized she was satisfied with that. And Lorna..._

 _Nicky's thoughts, which felt like minutes but were truly only short seconds, got interrupted when she heard the sound she most feared: a belt buckle._

 _With Piscatella's free hand he had undone his belt buckle and started to unzip his pants. He reached for the top of Nicky's pants and started to pull them down but her struggling made it difficult. He made sure she was pinned down so tightly that she wouldn't be able to escape. He let go of her neck and she coughed violently. Her tears were unstoppable as she realized there was no way she would be ok. She coughed furiously and struggled to breathe. She began to wheeze in a very uncomfortable way and felt that that alone would kill her. She was so light headed and dizzy._

 _Her pants were down and she could feel the weight of his body settling on hers. Her eyes were shut tight and she only wanted one thing: Red. She wanted her mother because she would make this all go away. She would get him off of her. She would make everything better. She would save her._

 _"_ _Are you ready?" Piscatella asked in a tone that didn't even give her the option to protest._

 _"_ _Please don't. Please…Please…"_

 _"_ _Yeah, keep begging for it." Piscatella was so close to her._

 _"_ _Stop…" Nicky was desperate but knew there was nothing that could be done. Her cries and screams were blood curdling. "Mommy!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. "Mommy!"_

 _"_ _She can't hear you; no one can hear you."_

 _"_ _Mommy! She yelled once more before it became a soft whispered whimper. "Mommy…"_

 _He had started; she had quit. His grunts were loud; her cries were silent. He didn't want his finish yet; she did want her mother now. He was in heaven; she was in hell. He was alive in the moment; she was dead inside._

 _Once he finished he said "Thank you." And he slapped her on the cheek. She thought it was the slap but she heard thunder as well and looked up to the sky to see lightning in the distance._

 _"_ _Stay here until someone finds you." He got up and stated to walk but turned his head and said "If anyone finds you." He spat in her face and walked away._

"Leave me alone…" Nicky whispered. "Get away from me…" she was crying in her sleep.

Red woke almost immediately. "Nicky!" Red sat up and began to shake her daughter awake, but to no avail. "Nicky! Wake up! You're dreaming."

"No! Stop! Please...Mommy…"

Red was finally able to wake the horrified girl before her. "My girl, it's ok. It was only a dream."

"Where am I?" Nicky wondered, tears streaming down her cheeks, looking around everywhere but in Red's eyes, obviously very distraught.

"With me." Red said these two words in a such a way, that Nicky completely stilled, forgetting her previous horrific nightmare and looked into her mother's eyes as if seeing her for the first time in years. This was her mother speaking to her. This was her mother here with her. Nicky was safe, she knew.

"He was there…and I was… he choked me…it hurt so bad…couldn't get away…" Nicky rambled as she cried all the more, throwing herself into Red's waiting arms.

"Shhh." Red soothed, stroking her daughter's hair and rubbing her back. "You're safe with me. That is all over now. You're with me."

Nicky looked to the night sky. It was lightning like mad and out of nowhere a giant rupture of thunder occurred. Startled, Nicky began to shake. Red pulled her closer and tightened her arms around her girl.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning came more slowly than they both would've hoped. Neither of them were able to sleep for the remaining hours of the night. They were silent, but they were awake, which was comfort to them both.

The morning announcements came on as the sun began to shine through the little window. Nicky got up from the bed and stretched her arms high into the air.

"Thanks, Ma." Nicky bent down and kissed Red on the cheek. "I'm going to hit the shower."

"Alright, my girl. I'll see you soon." Red said as if she were sending Nicky off to a summer camp.

As Nicky was walking out, Healy was walking in.

"Hey, Red. How's it going?" Healy asked politely.

"It's a better day than yesterday is all I can say." Red put simply.

"Well I have some news that is probably going to ruin your day, and for that I am sorry but we do need to talk about this." Healy got serious and Red got nervous.

"Well what is it?" Red's eyes widened for fear she had got caught attempting to kill Piscatella.

"This is a private matter. Let's go." Healy walked out of the cube and Red obediently followed.

Nicky saw this out of the corner of her eye as she was about to turn down the hallway. She tried to get a look at Red's face to determine her expression but she couldn't see it. Nicky had no idea if she was in trouble or not and this made her nervous. Once Red was out of sight, Nicky continued on to the showers when she heard her name by the love of her life.

"Nicky!" Lorna called from across the hall, practically running to her. She hugged her tightly and only let go because a guard had yelled "Inmates, no touching."

"How are you doing?" Lorna was very concerned, looking Nicky up and down.

"I'm doing alright. But what about you, huh?"

"You're doing alright? Nicky, Red tries to die and you're doing 'alright'?" Lorna was almost in tears.

"Oh." Nicky let slip as she remembered their cover story. "Walk with me, baby. I've got some truths that need to be told." And Nicky began to explain what really happened, sparing no detail unless Lorna insisted she stopped.

Meanwhile, in Healy's office, Red sat nervously as Healy walked around his desk and sat down. She noticed the cake was still on his desk, untouched.

"There really isn't an easy way to say this but, CO Piscatella has passed away." Healy sighed.

Red was dumbfounded. "What?"

"I'm sorry, Red. I know you must've really felt grateful towards him, with him saving your life. But it's true and I thought you should know."

"How?" Red couldn't make sentences as her eyes filled with tears which she knew were of happiness but Healy took them as sadness.

"A car accident. On his way here this morning actually. It wasn't his fault; a semi-truck ran a red light. He didn't have a chance. I didn't even get the chance to give him the cake you so kindly baked for him."

Red's tears were silent but it took everything in her power to hold back her smile. "I'll throw it away. If he can't have it then no one can." Red was feeling so giddy on the inside that she felt as though she could only speak in clichés.

"Ok." Healy said slowly. "Are you going to be ok?"

"I think so. I'll just stay close to Nicky. As long as I do that then I am ok." Red didn't think Healy knew just how true these words were.

"Alright then. Have a good day."

"Thank you." Red stood up, grabbed the cake, smiled a small smile at Healy and left his office. Once in the hallway she looked around frantically for the nearest trash can. Once spotted, she rushed over to it and threw the cake into the trash. She looked into the can saw the cake smashed on the bottom, satisfied she hurried down the hall. "I have to tell Nicky." She whispered to herself.

Red walked to the bathrooms, it hadn't been that long and Nicky should still be in there. She stopped dead in her tracks just as she was about to turn into them, at the sound of Lorna asking a thousand questions and Nicky telling her, comfortingly, to calm down.

Red leaned against the wall and sighed, realizing Nicky was telling Lorna everything. She could hear their conversation but stayed out of sight.

"…Why would he do that?" Lorna asked between sobs.

"I don't know. I might not ever know. I don't think I want to know. But hey," Nicky touched her fist to Lorna's chin, "cheer up, kid. I'm in one piece, safe and sound now."

"Yeah, no thanks to Red. She left you out there for 24 hours longer? Knowing you were out there? And she didn't tell any of us?" sobs still coming from Lorna.

Red's heart stung at how now her other daughter was angry with her. The guilt rose to her surface like the opening of an old wound and her heart ached, the dagger still there.

"I don't blame her." Nicky said more quietly than she had said anything else. Red strained her ears to hear what would follow. "I mean at the end of the day she did the only thing she knew to do: help me. You know, that's all she ever does. She helps me all the time whether I ask for it or not and I always end up grateful for it because she's always right. You know that expression 'mothers know best', it's pretty true I've come to realize. If there is one thing I know about Red, it's that she loves me unconditionally- "

"without limits, forever and always." Red mouthed the words in sync as Nicky finished the sentence. Red's eyes watered and her heart fluttered with such warmth and affection for her beautiful daughter.

"Am I mad at her? Yeah." Nicky continued. "Do I forgive her? Yeah to that too."

"I can't believe this all happened to you, my poor Nichols." Lorna reached over to Nicky for a hug. They were silent for a moment and Red took this as a signal to walk in. She saw them and her heart melted: her beautiful daughters. She walked over to them, without saying anything and put her arms around the both of them. And there, in the bathroom, the little family of three hugged for several silent moments.

"I take it you know what has happened?" Red said, looking at Lorna after their group hug had ended.

"Yeah." Lorna sniffled, still upset over Nicky's past couple of nights. "I didn't think you'd kill yourself, or try to anyway."

"I could never. Not with you in my life." She said it to the both of them but she looked at Nicky as she said it. The soft spot in her heart for Nicky is something that could not be covered, nor diminished, nor made any less obvious. And she knew Nicky wouldn't want it to be.

"But Nicky on that topic, I must tell you what Healy told me." Red got excited all of a sudden.

"Yeah, I saw you walk away with him? Are you in trouble?" Nicky asked hesitantly.

"No, love, quite the opposite. He died in a car accident on his way to work today." Red smiled at the girl in front of her, who's face looked so relieved that she may even faint.

"Oh my God." Nicky breathed the biggest sigh of relief she had ever breathed in her life. She reached up to her mother like a little kid would wanting to be picked up. They hugged tightly, and seeing as how this should be a moment between them, Lorna excused herself by kissing each of them on the cheek and she walked out.

"Everything is going to be ok now, you see? You're going to be just fine. No one is getting into any trouble for killing him. He is dead, Nicky. He can't hurt you."

The longer Red spoke, the more tears ran off of Nicky's cheeks and onto Red's shoulder.

"It's just…like you said. You said you would protect me…and keep me safe…ad nothing was going to hurt me." Nicky sniffled and mumbled against Red's now wet collar. "You are a good mother." Nicky exhaled deeply, relaxing in Red's arms. "I love you, Mommy."

Her eyes filled with tears at these genuine words being spoken by the girl who is her heart. "Oh, I love you too, my girl. I love you too."


End file.
